I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
