On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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