She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
