spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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