dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
