I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
