Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His hands were made for my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
