i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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