omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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