i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize