I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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