things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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