grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's get the cat blown out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
