"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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