On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
