I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
