the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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