I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
