please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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