There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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