He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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