mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
