The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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