You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the day after is always just damage control
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
