Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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