she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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