ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I didn't shave. On purpose
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
