Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize