If that was your dad, he is hot
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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