I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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