Got a toothbrush?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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