I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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