Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
