She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
