it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
