Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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