You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
where are you?
Hypothermia
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
