I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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