That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
