if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
