I'm going to jail i love you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
