hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
