i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
