The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
