I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
