You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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