I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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