Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
