haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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