dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
