THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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