There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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