A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
