"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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