Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
