have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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