we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
