My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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