My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
