He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
