What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
