happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
