i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
