Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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