'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
