You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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