she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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