Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
