In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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