GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
