Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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