Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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