I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
