Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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