Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk is not a location!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
