Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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