There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
