thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
