And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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