I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
